Pam, numb can be a good thing, and it is quite normal.

His suffering is finished now. May the Lord grant you good sleep and strength for your family as you go through the motions of the things that have to be done.

Words are puny things at times like these. Yet with distance, they may be all we have.

A few years ago, I had to tell a father his 14YO son had died. Even though both my parents are gone, telling dear friend he had lost his child is the hardest thing I've ever gone through.

In the face of death, all notions of self-sufficiency fade away. The sense of loss can take with it our confidence, our appetites, our desire even to carry on. If I could, I would simply come and sit with you. In silence if you desire, or listening to whatever you need to say. And I do mean whatever.

When the emotions come, and they will, they will be a mixture. No matter how much we loved the one who has gone, often there is anger at the sense of abandonment, regret for what might have been, as well as sadness at loss. Don't let anyone, including yourself, tell you these emotions are 'the wrong way to feel.' Let them out.

My father died when I was 24, and I had to be strong for my mother and sister. I had no time to grieve. I was going to school at Andrews, and after the funeral I had to return to my studies. I was strong. I did not let the emotions out. It was 18 YEARS later when a Godly counselor helped me find and release that grief. So I turned a two-year grieving process into nearly two decades. What might have healed slowly over a number of months remained an open sore for many years.

So it's OK. When they're ready to come, let all the emotions out, whether they sound good and nice or not. If you need to send me a PM expressing 'bad' feelings, go ahead. We've been through some of this before.

Although you likely cannot feel it now, there is hope for the future. Hemingway said "Every true story ends in death." But he was only partially right. For the Bible assures us that the truest story does not end, but endures in life eternal.

I'm not telling you to "cheer up," or "it's all for the best," because such cheap words wound more than heal in the dark hours. I'm only saying, in the darkness remember that light still exists.

He who sweat great drops of blood in Gethsemane knows what grief is, and He will watch with you in the dark hours, if you let Him. You may even need to echo His prayer, asking God why He has forsaken you. Because the answer always is, "I will never forsake you."

The Jesus who wept outside Lazarus' tomb weeps with you over this loss. Let Him comfort you. "You can throw the whole weight of your anxieties upon him, for you are his personal concern." 1 Peter 4:7 Phillipps.

PM me if you need to.

Aww ED!!! That was such a kind and understanding post!!! Thanks for being you.

Well said, Ed, especially when you wrote that words are puny things for times as these

Thank you

All things are small before the specter of loss.

But words are what I can give-

Yes, and how much of that beauty from all those artisans has been borne of pain and no other way!

I think that when someone has to pass through an experience such as this that we who respond are connecting him/her with ourselves somehow.

All those who have walked this path already are there with you in our hearts, even though you are experiencing this, your own grief

You have many friends here :)

I am so sorry, Pam!

(((((((((((((((GORGEOUS PAM)))))))))))))))))

I can't wait for Heaven and to see you reunited with your Dad!
Come quickly, Lord Jesus!

Halfstep Denise

Hugs((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Pam))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Ditto what Ed said! Pam, you are in our hearts and prayers. I can't agree more with Ed over the grieving. I pray that you can give yourself time to heal. And Pam, it's ok to grieve in whatever manner you want to. I had a friend that was an outward expressive griever and her sister was the one who internalized her grief. My friend couldn't understand why her sister didn't cry at their fathers death. So please don't worry what others think about what they see or not see. You grieve the way you want to. Love your heart, You are so loved by God (and us!). I hope you realize how special you are to us!

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{PAM}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}