I don't know what to say to the outpouring of such kind and understanding words. I am SO grateful for all that everyone has said. And for the hugs....

I have such mixed feelings about my dad no longer being alive.

On the one hand, he doesn't need to be the recepient of snubs anymore by organizations, such as the Boy Scouts who told him they didn't need his services anymore - after 60 years of teaching wilderness survival, mountain climbing, etc to the younger generations. If I had known about that when it happened, this is what i'd have done to the twits making the decisions that Summer Camp should be biking and playing canasta:

On the other hand, someone told me that perhaps Dad's job was finished here on earth..... that perhaps the people during his lifetime who needed to learn about wilderness survival and mountaineering have been taught.

But anyways, Dad is gone. My mom made the decision to have him cremated - no funeral - but a memorial at the end of April. She will get the ashes sometime this week and keep them at home. ....I don't know about that. In fact, I'm VERY uncomfortable with that.. it's partly my witchcraft background, I think.

I am still rather numb....I'm an expert at denial and wandering off into my own world and getting lost. My family has already expressed wonderment at my being able to stay with Dad during the nights and most of the days without completely coming unglued. Unfortunately, I AM coming unglued.....and i have to go to work again. Geez....I hope my boss understands.

Your boss can lump it.

You will be numb for a while. Don't fight it. It will pass in it's own time. Our society is too quick to push death and grieving away into dark corners. This does not help. This is not something you can get over in the 3 days most companies give a person. So who cares if you have red eyes and stuffy nose. Tell anyone who asks what has happened. Expressing it to others will help. Even to strangers. Getting it out will help heal. It will also keep you from getting too deep in the denile.

As for keeping the ashes of a loved one at home, many people do that. It's part of the whole process and will more than likely make your mother comfortable to have him around in that way. It could be, that as time passes, you could bring up the possibility of scattering his ashes somewhere that had special meaning to both of them. My mother was scattered at Yaquina Head lighthouse. My parents loved to go there on weekends. It's a thought. Also, not to be morbid, but you could keep the ashes for when your mother passes and then bury them together.

Just remember to keep coming back. We love you. Care about how you are feeling. And want to help in any way we can.

AMEN

Oh Pam... So sorry, my friend... So sorry indeed. Still praying for you and your mama and brother.

Pam, I wish I could do something to take away your pain!! Praying for you!!!

So sorry to hear about your loss.



I am the same way. Today it has been three months since I lost my sister and I received a letter in the mail from an old AA friend consoling me. I started to feel myself come apart as it made it all seem fresh again.

It sounds like your father was very loved. He must have been very special. My father abandoned two families and when he died, I don't think any of us kids (5 from first marriage, 3 from the second) got emotional. We took care of his funeral arrangements almost like he was a stranger. But than he was almost a stranger to us.

Hi, IMO cremation is the only way to go. Why put thousands of $$$$$ needlessly into the pockets of the the funeral industry? Good SDAs have asked me if the denomination has any stand on it. The answer is NO. Then they ask me if EGW said anything about it and the answer is still NO...............BUT..........she did make a statement which settled it for me........ I don't have the quotation exact but it is roughly as follows. "In the work of resurrection the Lord is not indebted to prior material"...I can look up the quote if you want it............... He is not going to use the same material so why worry about how it deteriorates??? My father is in a container on a shelf in a closet in my brother's house. When mother is gone we shall bury their cremains together down by the lake below his house. Hang in there...regards, Don

yes...my dad was loved and respected by a lot of people....he took his inner city high school students (these were the roughest of the rough) on tours of Oregon during the summers. Those kids had never even been out of the Portland city limits. That's one of the reasons he was named Teacher of the Year for the Portland Public School system, as well as for the huge Tri-County region here.

and he was also a pushover for animals

I can't believe he is gone...

Dear Pam

I just now found out about your daddy. I AM SO VERY SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT HIS PASSING.......I echo when EDD said about there are no words and that silence is probably the best. GENTLY HUGS TO YOU FROM ME!!

Hearing about others experiences may or may not be helpful, I dont know. I can relate with feeling numb, as I sure went through that "phase" after my daddy passed. In fact, I curled up in bed in a fetal postition for the rest of the day. I was useless to go back to work.....fortunately for me my manager found a way to let me have time off. Hopefully, yours will show compassion as well.

It was extremely difficult to wait a month for the memorial service that we had for my dad as I was 4 states away from my mom and sister at the time. At least you are close physically with your family. It can be very helpful to grieve together, reminesce (sp), go thru the picture albums, stuff like that.

I am holding you close in thought and prayer. Grieve the way that you need to. Don't hold back, and whatever you do DON'T STUFF YOUR FEELINGS!! OK, you gotta be somewhat civil about it, but the point is, you HAVE to FEEL what you are going thru. That is the ONLY way to come out on the other side. No, you will never be the same, you will never forget, you will always have a hole in your heart where your daddy was, and there will be times that you will cry for no other reason then that you miss him. Everyone does it a little differently and none of it is "wrong".

Take advantage of the grief counseling that the hospice will offer you. I thought that I was losing my mind after my mom died........then this wonderful letter came in the mail outlining some of what people go thru, and I was "just" grieving.

Have a talk with your mom about the ashes.......let her know why it bothers you so much, and perhaps you can come up with a compromise that will work out for both of you. I have a feeling if she knew how much it bothers you, and why, she will try to accommodate you. Mom's are like that.......

Hugs,
Morning Glory

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