John317

I believe you may have missed part of my post - the part where I pointed out that the same people who consistently smote us with the Spirit of Prophecy showed no signs of any Christian love or charity in their own lives. With this wonderful object lesson so glaringly displayed to us, repeatedly, is it any wonder that so many of my generation were "out of there" as soon as we possibly could?

I think it is fairly superficial on your part to put it down to the adult version of a childish tantrum. My own personal experience when "outside the church" was not the horror story with which we had been threatened. In fact I found much companionship, genuine mateship, care, thoughtfulness, fun, genuine sympathy and empathy, and yes, even genuine Christianity outside the hallowed halls of SDAism. What was there to draw me back when you compare that to the den of dessicated legalism I had left?

Please don't put your own extrapolations of motives onto me. I know in general why I did things and I would thank you not to guess at my motives.

Graeme

Let me tag on here a little bit....

I'm finding now, as a pastor, that the biggest challenge I have is with members who are in emotional pain or people who do what they do because of negative past experiences.

I can't afford NOT to pause, listen, understand and reflect or what they say to me about their experience. Sometimes saying "grow up" "get over it" works but most of the time it doesn't.

I think most people get over the pain/experience - but can't imagine why they should put themselves back into the environment that did it to them - especially when there is no evidence that the environment has changed

/Bevin

Quite right! And for some of the rest of the survivors who come back or stayed despite it all, we take heart in the hopeful signs of positive improvement until we witness a resurgence of that old dysfunctional approach by a loudmouth minority targeting new and vulnerable victims and retargeting some of us who have been able to get passed it. That reopens old wounds and some of us refuse to be dragged backward again.

Tom

You are absolutely correct Laz. People need someone to understand and care. It does no good to lay truth over pain.

However, there are people who have had an overdose of "poor dear" syndrome and they sometimes need a Dr. Laura encounter to help them get unstuck. We must discern the difference.

as always,

olger

That is true though most people do not have the relationship with that person or the love for that person to be able to affectively help them get "unstuck" without appearing to be unloving. (I have had real friends, however, who have been able to "tell me like it is" with a genuine Christian love. Those type of friends are priceless.) Usually however, it is the most affective to listen, and to care. There is far too little of that in today's society. These types of friends who can genuinly care are also priceless.

True Taylor.

The Bible says that truth is very important. It also tells us that it is to be spoken in love.


rejoice always,


olger

Right on. Unfortnately the "spoken in love" part is difficult for some to remember. But if they can, then not only the truth but the timing needs to be considered so that the maximum benefit of the "truth" can enter the heart of the listener.

My point was that we should do what we know to be right because it is right and not oppose the right because of something that happened to us when we were children. I went through the same things that you described. But just as I decided to put away my resentments for things my father did, I decided a long time ago to put away the resentments against people in the church who did wrong and concentrate on what is right and true.

I wasn't referring to any of your motives.

Does "doing what is right" necessarily include:

• attending an SDA church?

• associating primarily with Adventists?

• reading much of the output of EGW?

These are not intended as rhetorical questions.

Graeme