I agree completely

You know, I can't help thinking that just plain healthy vs. unhealthy human psychology ought to be added to our curriculum, and not even have it be within the context of "situations" like family situations or dating situations. I mean, if our kids just grew up knowing how to be healthy individuals in the first place, and how to deal with unhealthy individuals in healthy ways... I can only barely imagine with my limited imagination what kind of church we'd be raising. I mean, seriously, human psychology is key to pretty much everything, especially our relationships with each other, but most importantly with God. And when we can recognize that human psychology is about the mind and heart, and not about our works being judged as always reflecting the nature of our hearts (which they don't always: many God-Loving people still sometimes give in to temptations - especially emotional-to-physical ones, because they're human beings, not because they somehow hate God), then we'll have taken a huge step in the right direction.

You know, I love people to be just themselves, they are being honest and open, and I like that! Doesn't God want and like us to be ourselves? I know He does....He can work with us more if we are open and honest with ourselves....He accepts us as we are and works with us! This experience I have had with our loving, compassionate, understanding and accepting God....He accepts me as I am....and that way....I can grow to love and trust Him, and change into his likeness more each day...

Why thank you! I picked out the pic, and Melia fixed it up for me the way I wanted it.
Awwwwww....and I really hope to get to know you better as well! God Bless you!!

Thank you so much for encouraging me here! I'm glad we agree on this



That's cool! It's just really cute



You too! *Grins*

I think AA was a real God-send in my life as I entered the program when only 15 years old and it was there, in a large part, I learned how to be healthy and deal with those that are not healthy.

Having been around AA groups for over 20 years, I have not only my own experience but that I have observed with others. From what I have observed, those seeking help from Christian counselors and clergy members normally find much more success than from the secular world, much of which is pop-psychology - which often does more harm than good.

I am glad you are hooked up with a believing counselor. She will most likely help a lot. If you are still in the abusive situation, she is likely going to advise you to leave. After the wounds are healed and forgiveness has happened, some victims grow to the point where they can be around the abuse again without being victimized by it. I would like to think I am at that point. I know of abuse victims that are members of Al-anon that do heal while living in the abusive situation but they are exceptional people. I am not sure I would have been able to do the same.

One thing I want to clarify: it's not that I'm currently allowing myself to be a victim of anything. It's more like I'm finally dealing, emotionally, with how I was victimized, what personality problems this ingrained into me that have been under a lot of work (for instance, I no longer just assume that God will say "No" when I Ask Him for things, I no longer assume I'll be abused, etc), and how my having had those problems affected my social life, my dating life, etc. I've been grieving the losses that resulted in the past because of the affects of being abused.

Are my parents still abusive? Yes. But I no longer believe their lies about me. I Know who I am, I Know my value, I know Who's I am... When I said that I don't have much of a self-esteem, well, first of all, that was how I was feeling and it was true because this is what happens to me when I'm so depressed about something that I actually reach out and ask for help/prayer. In the last few days, God has been Answering all of your prayers: I truly have had some serious weights lifted from my shoulders that have been there for my whole life. And the truth is, this protects me from feeling the affects of my parents' abusive attitudes.

For example, when everything went down the other night, mom told a rather big whopper about a past event that we all knew about, and all knew she was lying. She still hasn't apologized for this, because she simply can't accept it that she's not perfect, she lied about something... Anyway, after a couple of times that this started to bother me, and I had to tell myself each time to "let it go and just treat her the way I would if it hadn't happened," well, it's gotten much easier to do that. Things are getting better between us. Should she apologize? Of course! But she never will if she can't trust me to be someone she can apologize to. <--- That's the key to forgiveness, which is why human psychology is so important. <---

Anyway, I feel like an "evolved" person for having gone through this experience. I'm still not thrilled with my parents treating me badly, of course. Um, I don't think that's what Jesus was asking for. I'm just not letting this bother me - nor affect me in my future relationships. I've learned to not expect to be pounced on by everyone out there, and that it's worth it to treat others with dignity, respect, love, trust, forgiveness, and affection. No one can take that from me - not even my parents. Sure, I don't trust them.

And of course I don't want to live with them. I haven't since I was 21, and the few years I spent away from them before I (financially) had to live with them again were just about the best thing for me. I learned what it means to live as independently as possible. The only problem I had back then was sheer loneliness, even when I was involved with church activities (those don't cure loneliness at home). But even in that, I've learned (since then) how to be content by myself and not be all freaked out about it. It does help that I have my own room. It's a granny-unit, with it's own bathroom, and enough room for my PC and a TV/DVD/radio, my art desk, and some books. So, it's almost like having my own apartment away from them. We only share a kitchen, living room, and dining room.

It's when we wind up interacting in the shared living areas that things go crazy - with them. Seriously, I've just been learning to see their nuttiness for what it is, name it that, and not let it bother me too much. The purpose of the counseling is really more for mom than for me (though my counseling separately continues). She's got a LOT of issues to work out that she doesn't even know she has, and really, I can't think of her as a "mom" until she's worked through those enough to actually be a "mom" to me without "mothering" me, whether I live with her or not.

My worst nightmare has been my future wedding someday, should I choose to wed (I've put more thought into that, I'm thinking someday I might like to, if/when a healthy relationship happens). She's taken over every other event in my life, ruined them all for me (because she didn't care what I wanted), and then blamed me for my wishing things had been different... I want her to work through her issues so that, first of all, when that man meets her, she won't be a nightmare for him and me both (she'll just be a normal, functional, imperfect person like the rest of us), and she won't destroy what's supposed to be the happiest day of my and his life.

I do know that the worst thing I could do on that day would be to let her get to me and take any happiness from me. But seriously, when you put that much time, effort, money, thought and love into a special day like that, the last thing you need is "whirl-wind mom" to "come to the rescue" because things aren't happening the way she wants them to happen for "her" little girl... At some point in time, "mom" has to learn to BACK OFF and just play a supporting role rather than a domineering role and let her adult daughter have the ONE THING in her life that means almost more to her than anything else.

I say "almost" because, yes, there really are more important things in life than a wedding day going smoothly. But that's blessedly hard to keep in perspective while your dressed to the nines in a white dress and tight corset, trying to see through this veil on your head, trying not to cry either from love, nervousness, or laughter (or all 3), hoping things will go the way you have intended for the last 6 months (really, your whole life)... And then "mom" comes along and just does her thing like she always has... Do you see what I mean? It's forgivable, true, but why in the world should it have to happen like that in the first place, when it could (hopefully) have been avoided with some solid advice given by a trained counselor?

Ok, now I'm getting off-topic, yet, well, it still makes my point. Mom definitely needs counseling. I suppose I do too, and I need to keep learning to forgive her abusive nature at all times. I shouldn't have to worry about the happiest day of my life, nor about that future relationship with a man I'd marry at all. Nor should I be burdened with all this stuff with my family the way I have been in "every-day" mode. That's not what I was put on this planet for.

Thank you Right back atcha!

Also, as a side note: my IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome) has come back after 9 years of general dormancy, and I think it's a result of all the stress this whole little "episode" has caused me. So that needs prayer. It's been getting under control, but I'm unable to attend a Bible study tonight at a friend's house because of it (and how utterly sleepy it's made me, though I am increasing my fluids/fiber intake). Thanks in advance for taking this matter to God.

Your welcome! We will be praying for you on this!!

Thanks