everyone! Just an update. Mom and I had our first counseling session today. Things went well, we unraveled a lot of things, made some agreements, and I was shown how to deal with abusive situations when they come up, and was given a lot of other useful advice. I'm feeling a lot better as a person than I ever did before. And validated. That counselor told mom flat out how she's never going to have her idea of the perfect daughter, and that that's ok. She also told her how I've been feeling judged. Anyway, there's a lot of progress being made here, even if it's all "baby steps." It still needs prayer, but yeah, things are finally heading in a more positive direction.

May this be the beginning of a helpful journey for both of you.

Thank you It's an hour by hour thing, yet overall, I just feel better. More empowered to just be myself and know that that's ok, and that it's going to be appreciated. And who I am in the first place is a loving, caring person. It's just not the way she expected it to be. She's demanded things of me that I couldn't give her as her daughter, and only now is she being told that she has to ask me for those things, with the option of my saying no. Now she's being told that she has to accept the way I do thins as, for one, being my honest effort, and for another, being ok the way they are and not always needing to be changed or criticized by her.

Also, I've been told that I can ask her for good things, like little notes telling me nice things about myself or thanking me for doing something she liked. Um, I don't feel totally alright with having to ask her for that. I mean, all I know is that I was already planning on doing that for my kids someday (unless they asked me not to or something) - I've just assumed that a loving mom would want to do that for her kids and just would do it, and wouldn't need to be asked. She's already done that for at least one other person, not even a family member, who she was "ministering" to.

I've had a hard time understanding why she couldn't do that for me. I've asked her in the past why she did that and she just said, "Well, she's a good person. You haven't been a good daughter." Even without that part of the saga, it still feels weird for me to have to ask for that from my own mother. Shouldn't it pretty much be a given that she would just want to do that if she had that much affection for me? Anyone who's got some advice on that, please feel free to chime in. Have I been unrealistic in my thought process there? Anyway, I've been told I can ask for things like that, so I'm going to, since otherwise I'm not going to get them.

The long story short, we're trying to take this one day at a time, and the overall goal is that mom learns that it's ok for others to not be her idea of perfection. Also, she puts way too much pressure on herself to be that ideal. And she does it to a lot of other people too. The goal is for her to learn to back away and know that she might have a point, but she doesn't have any business forcing it onto others, when she thinks she's right about something. Also, that her way isn't the only right way, and that it's ok for others to be individuals and not fear that because they aren't just like her, that they're doomed to living bad lives or something.

My main goal is to let myself be my loving self to her, and forgive her when she doesn't reach her goals, and encourage her that she can do better next time. Basically, my goal is to model forgiving imperfectionism for her. I'm just glad she has the right goals now. It was killing our whole family before when she didn't have them. She wouldn't believe anyone in this family when we tried to tell her "nobody's perfect and that's ok." Since a counselor finally got that through to her, I think things are going to be a little easier for me at any rate, from now on. I think in the end, things will be easier for her too.