#36090 - 04/21/05 12:33 AM
Re: Deliverance
[Re: ]
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Registered: 11/22/03
Posts: 777
Loc: Beyond your grasp
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I can understand, perhaps better than you think. What you describe is one of the levels to which illuminati slaves can be brought to, even without the generational conservation of occult energy in their DNA.
In other words, anyone can be made to become what you describe, but you have to be BRED for thousands of years to become a mother of darkness. My friend who I am currently studying with and counseling was a MoD.
Clio, this is, I think, yet another game the enemy likes to play. There are so many different and diverse occult traditions out there and each uses its own terminology. There is no one set of terms that is universal to them all, and the enemy likes to play one against another, especially for people who have sought to get out and get free, pitting this term against that one and playing upon points of perverse pride -- who was further gone, who was higher up, who was a this and who was a that. I happen to know it is all HORSE MANURE (if you'll pardon the strong language). It's yet another of the enemy's tricks to excite pride in darkness and I'm not playing. Your friend's term "MoD" is meaningless where I come from, as I'm sure terms I might use to describe my experiences might be meaningless to her. I was (still am, technically) an initiate of Ordo Templi Orientis and a chartered initiator in the Man of Earth triad in that tradition. I practiced ceremonial magick primarily in the Enochian, Goetic, and planetary systems. In my private relationship with Satan I regarded myself as supreme among any and all claiming to know him, and from what I experienced he vouched for this, constantly telling me how much he loved me, how special I was, how no one in the whole world or in all history had ever understood him the way I did, etc. It was all some very heady stuff. I had the traditions I practiced and was initiated into, then there were my own private beliefs centering around my secret identity and my relationship with Lucifer and my destiny and purpose here on earth. I believed myself to be the incarnation of the 156 current which is also known as Babalon (spelled that way on purpose), the Sacred Whore. There were prophecies foretelling my coming to this world and everything -- I was really into this whole thing deep. It consumed my entire life for nearly 2 decades.
That's why I don't want to play the pride game or the comparison game between myself and your friend or anyone else who has had some "experience" in this "stuff". The book of Revelation cautions against taking pride in knowing the "deep things of Satan" so let's just not go there OK? I don't mean to sound harsh with you, it's for my own good that I'm speaking so plainly, so I don't let myself get caught in that trap. I am also very keenly aware of how sex magick works as I might as well have invented it or at least written the book on it. I had sexual communion with Satan regularly and received communication directly from Satan -- or so I believed -- and instruction directly from him as well. That was my experience anyway, the way I experienced and perceived it. I know he is a deceiver so I'm aware things might not have been precisely as I perceived them but that is what I honestly experienced and perceived. In other words, going into this, nothing was hidden from me; I wasn't brainwashed in any sense of the word but went into it with open eyes and eager willingness to do and be anything Satan desired of me. I was utterly, madly, completely in love with him, and a willing slave to that love.
I do appreciate your explanation though because it shows me you understand something of how it (sex magick) operates as well. Which lets me know I can communicate with you to some degree and have you grasp what I'm talking about -- so that's a good start.
Now, with that out of the way ...
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The adversary, knowing about this universal spiritual principle, has caused his dark siders to use it and the sex magick his side created to power occult rituals and ultimately power the revelation of the Anti-Christ. It is at the moment of orgasm that demonic entities can be layered in to unwitting individuals, or even the participants.
Or willing sex magickians who are seeking precisely that experience, to be "owned and operated" as living channels, embodiments, apotheoses of the "gods" or "godforms" they serve, or currents or formulae they seek to manifest on the earth. In my case I wanted to be a living enfleshment of my Master's will and power, and transmit the same lust/love enslavement dynamic he manifested upon me to other people through engaging them in three-way sexual contact between themselves, myself, and Satan. Among other things. That was just part of it.
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This is a basic skill taught to all sex magick practioners who will be used in rituals. But even if no deliberate layering of the demonic entities takes place, the soul "dome" is damaged by the misapplication of the spiritual principle... each and every time.
When this happens, a "crack" is formed. And leeches... low level demonic entities, attach themselves... and start feeding. They feed on the spirit within. If left unattended, they will eventually break through to the spirit and start feeding from the inside out. You are sensing them as parasites because you were trained to know them and so are senstive to them. Parasites is a very good term.... very similar to our leech analogy.
Clio. I have had people at times ask me whether I ever tried to commit suicide or whether I felt like committing suicide (when inquiring about my moods, mental health, etc.) I have but one answer: I have already committed suicide. I am completely dead inside. No passion, no joy, no compassion, no life, there is no life in this body. I have no spirit. I was dealt a deadly wound in 1998 that could not be healed and since that time I have been as the walking dead. I have no passion, neither of sex nor of spirit, neither sexual nor spiritual; there is no life in this body. The only things I feel are pain and fear. I am dead and in hell.
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To get rid of them, as Jesus brings to mind each instance, do not wallow in guilt, immediately pray something like this:
I don't understand these instructions. I am not aware of wallowing in guilt, I would not know how to discern or detect such a thing. I feel only pain and fear, and am haunted by remorse and regret, but I can no more detect or control these states of mind than I can bring myself back to life.
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Jesus, I recognize that you are telling me I need to specifically ask Your forgiveness for this, and turn away from it. I choose to turn from it, repent, and ask forgiveness. I know there are leeches on me, and I cannot remove them of myself. Wash me clean in the Blood of the Lamb, slain from the very foundation of the world. Remove these leeches Jesus, take and do with them what You will. Help me to accept Your forgiveness and Your promise. You have said You came to save, not to condemn, and there is no condemnation in You. I accept this.
I don't use those exact words but I do already pray similar things. There is no relief.
I do appreciate you caring though. May Yahweh bless you for your kindness to this wretched creature that I am.
Nico
_________________________
"After such knowledge, what forgiveness?" -- T.S. Eliot
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#36091 - 04/21/05 01:08 AM
Re: Deliverance
[Re: ]
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Public Nuisance
Registered: 08/03/02
Posts: 2837
Loc: On the outside, looking in
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mikvah? correct me if I'm wrong, but based on my reading about orthodox Judaism isn't that what women use as their ritual bath after completing menstruation? (to mark the fact that they are no longer "unclean".)
aldona
_________________________
www.asrc.org.au (Asylum Seeker Resource Centre, Melbourne) Helping over 2000 refugees & asylum seekers each month “Man’s mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions.” — Oliver Wendell Holmes
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#36092 - 04/21/05 01:12 AM
Re: Deliverance
[Re: rmarte]
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Public Nuisance
Registered: 08/03/02
Posts: 2837
Loc: On the outside, looking in
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here is a Jewish website where you can find a mikvah in your area... Global Mikvah Directory aldona
_________________________
www.asrc.org.au (Asylum Seeker Resource Centre, Melbourne) Helping over 2000 refugees & asylum seekers each month “Man’s mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions.” — Oliver Wendell Holmes
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#36093 - 04/21/05 02:37 AM
Re: Deliverance
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The King's Daughter
Registered: 03/31/05
Posts: 2747
Loc: Alaska
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If I gave you the impression I wanted to play a pride game with you I am very sorry. Not knowing your tradition, or back-ground, I based what I said solely on your first post, trying to establish a foundation on which to continue our discussion. You may accept it or not. I am familiar with the Ordo Templi Orientis and the Man of Earth triad, and can quite accurately place them in the hierarchy. Thank you for telling me your postioning... it helps to understand where you are coming from. If you are interested in the hierarchy from the top down I can send you the structure of the pyramid. When you say "I feel only pain and fear, and am haunted by remorse and regret, but I can no more detect or control these states of mind than I can bring myself back to life." that quite accurately states the emotional content of what I phrased wallowing in guilt. At least that's how I experienced it. It is not necessary for you to control that state of mind. Only when it comes upon you, repent specifically for whatever instance in the top of your mind and give it and all leeches associated with it to Jesus. If you don't understand it, use my prayer as a training wheel prayer until you start to experience the healing and freedom... sometimes by doing we are brought to greater understanding. So many times I've said, "Abba? I did what You said, but... what just happened here?" And shortly along will come someone who points out a verse, provides an inspired book that explains, or adds a piece to the puzzle, and I start to understand. Quote:
I am completely dead inside. No passion, no joy, no compassion, no life, there is no life in this body. I have no spirit.
Yes... I know this feeling. But as long as you can choose to seek the Lamb and Abba, there is still a protected spark of the Spirit with which He endowed you at birth, and you are not beyond His healing. Do you believe that Abba is the source of all life? There is nothing to prevent Him from healing that deadly wound. To believe you cannot be healed from it, is to buy into the lies they taught you. Abba is Supreme, He is the Author of ALL life, ALL Love, and our emotions, just like all else we have and are, are gifts from Him.
There will be relief Nico. His promise is sure... He promises in Jeremiah 29:11-13 that all those who seek HIM will find HIM. Do not give up, nor in. You are not an orphan, you are HIS child.
Clio
_________________________
A heart where He alone has first place.
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#36094 - 04/21/05 02:45 AM
Re: Deliverance
[Re: rmarte]
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The King's Daughter
Registered: 03/31/05
Posts: 2747
Loc: Alaska
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Yes aldona... it is one use for a mikvah. But the total purpose of a mikvah is to move one from a state of ritual impurity to a state of ritual purity.
When Aaron and his sons were anointed as priests, they first underwent a mikvah. There are other instances in the Bible... and while Jesus was baptized... if you look at all of the requirements, He was baptized in living waters, which is the primary requirement for a mikvah.
There is much research on mikvahs availanble. While the most common use is for family purity, utensils, and in some orthodox communities for men before certain things, it has much broader spiritual implications when someone has been exposed to a perversion of holy baptism... such as a blood baptism.
A mikvah is honored by Abba Father as a healing reversal of the perversion of a blood baptism.
Clio
_________________________
A heart where He alone has first place.
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#36095 - 04/21/05 05:00 AM
Re: Deliverance
[Re: ]
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Registered: 11/22/03
Posts: 777
Loc: Beyond your grasp
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11 Withhold not thou thy tender mercies from me, O LORD: let thy lovingkindness and thy truth continually preserve me.
12 For innumerable evils have compassed me about: mine iniquities have taken hold upon me, so that I am not able to look up; they are more than the hairs of mine head: therefore my heart faileth me.
13 Be pleased, O LORD, to deliver me: O LORD, make haste to help me.
-- Psalm 40:11-13
_________________________
"After such knowledge, what forgiveness?" -- T.S. Eliot
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#36096 - 04/21/05 05:28 AM
Re: Deliverance
[Re: ]
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Registered: 11/22/03
Posts: 777
Loc: Beyond your grasp
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Quote:
If I gave you the impression I wanted to play a pride game with you I am very sorry.
Not knowing your tradition, or back-ground, I based what I said solely on your first post, trying to establish a foundation on which to continue our discussion.
You may accept it or not.
Please don't be upset with me Clio. Those are/were my issues, and my comments were more directed at myself and the adversary than at you. I can't help what I see but that doesn't mean I ascribe it to the person or appearances if you know what I mean. What I'm seeing is what Satan wants to do to me with something. It does not mean there is any fault on your part.
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I am familiar with the Ordo Templi Orientis and the Man of Earth triad, and can quite accurately place them in the hierarchy.
OK, so you'll know what I mean when I say I was/am a K.E.W.
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Thank you for telling me your postioning... it helps to understand where you are coming from.
Right, but you also need to understand (I mean if you care to understand me, that is!) that O.T.O. was just the outward public/fellowship expression of my own personal beliefs. You probably know Thelema is very individualistic in nature: "do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law." I wove my O.T.O. "career" in with my own personal beliefs and practices, and my personal relationship with Satan.
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If you are interested in the hierarchy from the top down I can send you the structure of the pyramid.
Already got one. 
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When you say "I feel only pain and fear, and am haunted by remorse and regret, but I can no more detect or control these states of mind than I can bring myself back to life."
that quite accurately states the emotional content of what I phrased wallowing in guilt. At least that's how I experienced it. It is not necessary for you to control that state of mind. Only when it comes upon you, repent specifically for whatever instance in the top of your mind and give it and all leeches associated with it to Jesus.
OK I will try. Usually it is not attached to anything specific, though. It just "IS".
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So many times I've said, "Abba? I did what You said, but... what just happened here?" And shortly along will come someone who points out a verse, provides an inspired book that explains, or adds a piece to the puzzle, and I start to understand.
Ah yes, I well remember those halcyon days. I miss those kinds of experiences terribly.
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... as long as you can choose to seek the Lamb and Abba, there is still a protected spark of the Spirit with which He endowed you at birth, and you are not beyond His healing. Do you believe that Abba is the source of all life? There is nothing to prevent Him from healing that deadly wound.
I want and need to EXPERIENCE that healing though. Just pretending it's there because it "could" be (is possible) is NOT ENOUGH. IT DOES NOT WORK.
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To believe you cannot be healed from it, is to buy into the lies they taught you. Abba is Supreme, He is the Author of ALL life, ALL Love, and our emotions, just like all else we have and are, are gifts from Him.
But it's His choice, and He is not communicating with me anymore.
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There will be relief Nico. His promise is sure... He promises in Jeremiah 29:11-13 that all those who seek HIM will find HIM. Do not give up, nor in. You are not an orphan, you are HIS child.
I believe His promise ... but when?
I want to wake up back where I was when He first found me and I first fell in love with Him. Sure I can't be 16 again, I don't expect that, but I want that ALIVEness, that sense of His presence, that solid -*POW*- connectedness with Him all sure and TIGHT.
_________________________
"After such knowledge, what forgiveness?" -- T.S. Eliot
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#36097 - 04/21/05 07:03 AM
Re: Deliverance
[Re: ]
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Registered: 11/22/03
Posts: 777
Loc: Beyond your grasp
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sorry all i don't mean to be difficult
_________________________
"After such knowledge, what forgiveness?" -- T.S. Eliot
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#36098 - 04/22/05 03:56 PM
Re: Deliverance
[Re: ]
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Anonymous
Unregistered
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Hi Nico, I hear your prayers and want to help but feel really inadequate. I don’t pretend to know anything about what you are going through because, frankly, I don’t. The only thing that I do know is that you are hurting real bad. Having said all of that, I prayed and asked God if there is something that I can say which may help. What came to mind was the demons that I have struggled with. My experience has been, the more I try to eliminate them the more they seem to take hold. I am not sure exactly how it happened, but one day, I decided to acknowledge them, rather than fight them. For example, I might have said something like: “I know that, in the past, you have played a big part in my life and that I enjoyed it. It was wrong, and I have since chosen to follow Jesus and will not be talking to you about this matter again”. I found if I was attacked again I just kept saying “I am not talking about it”. Whatever you do, keep it short. When I think about how Jesus conversed with Satan, I realized that he acknowledged Satans presence and spoke to him as he would others, then he reasonably set His boundaries. I found doing the same thing worked for me. No fancy prayers, naming and claiming, binding and loosing etc, just following Jesus example. I don’t know where you stand in this regard, but I found that I frequently did not feel God’s presence in my life. I was up and down like a yoyo, more down than up. I wanted to feel how I used to feel. After discussing this with a fellow church member, I was kindly told that our relationship with God should not be based on feelings; it should be a faith relationship. When I heard this it suddenly dawned on me that faith is stable whereas feelings are all over the place, just like my relationship with God. Warm fuzzies are good, but when they are not there I now realize that it does not have to affect my faith in God. Hope this makes sense and is helpful (and you are not being difficult) God bless and keep you  BAPM
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#36099 - 04/22/05 06:40 PM
Re: Deliverance
[Re: ]
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The King's Daughter
Registered: 03/31/05
Posts: 2747
Loc: Alaska
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You're not being difficult Nico... You're searching with sincerity. And Abba rewards that.
BAPM has some good advice too. And what she says about emotions mirrors Abba's teaching to me as well.
I found a measure of peace when I realized the Bible was right when it talked about nothing being more deceitful than the heart of man. And where do we "feel" our emotions? In our "heart"! It was through the experience of coming to realize that faith is a choice and not a feeling, that freedom began to be manifest in my life.
I still am often concerned abount my seeming lack of emotions, but I have no doubt about my faith. I CHOOSE daily to belong to Abba, not the adversary. My emotions may be all over the charts, especially the negative ones, but my faith, my choice to trust Him and be in all things for Him, never wavers.
Clio
_________________________
A heart where He alone has first place.
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