Pam-

I have just now read this thread. And the tears are pouring down my face. Your words speak to my heart in ways you, nor anyone else, can never know.

This year, I faced my first thanksgiving without two of my beloved children. In a few days, like you, I will face a first Christmas without them also. As I watch my husband struggle to regain his health, I wonder if I will still have a happy anniversary in a few weeks.

Death is such a dreadful thing. So painful, so incredibly devastating, permeating every area of our lives. Kyle was beautiful, handsome, and talented. His love of life and living, his joy in new experiences, and his Abba-given creative talent shine from his face in the pictures posted here.

Pam, we know Abba draws near to those with a broken heart, offering and promising to exchange joy for mourning, and beauty for ashes. His Shoulders are big enough, strong enough, and enduring enough for you to weep out your pain to Him, long after the world expects you to heal. Even more, He knows first-hand your incredible and mind-numbing pain. His Son was lost to Him as well, and those three days must have seemed interminable.

My prayers will encompass you, and lift you up during this time of intense sorrow. Take heart, for our redemption does indeed draw nigh.

Clio

I, too have just now read this. I am so very, very sorry for your loss. I know how dear my son is to me, so I can only begin to imagine how terrible it must be for you to feel that aching emptiness every day. I pray our Lord will draw very near to you in comfort during this sorrowful time, and help you take each day, each moment, at a time, gently.

TO ALL,

LETTING YOU KNOW I AM STILL HERE AND THAT AFTER CHRISTMAS I WILL BE SITTING DOWN TO RELEASE ALL MY THOUGHTS, EMOTIONS, AND STRUGGLES THAT I ENDURED THROUGH KYLES BIRTHDAY AND CHRISTMAS.

I WILL BE REJOYCING THE BIRTH OF OUR SAVIOR AS WELL AS MOURNING THE LOSS OF MY BEAUTIFUL SON KYLE.

KYLE,
MY OH SO BELOVED KYLE. I AM MISSING YOU MORE THAN ANY EXAMPLE I COULD EVER GIVE. THE ACHING OF WANTING SO MUCH TO SEE YOU, HEAR YOU, SMELL YOU, AND FEEL YOU OVERWHELMS ME !
MAN, LIFE JUST ISNT THE SAME WITHOUT YOU !!!
MERRY CHRISTMAS SON, MY LOVE FOR YOU IS GREATER THAN ETERNITY.
LOVE, MOM

I'm glad you are still here. I have been thinking about and praying for you.

Hugs,

LynnDel

Pam -

I'm glad you are still here. And I'm glad you have made it through the days when Kyle's special spark would be most missed.

As much as you love your precious son, Jesus loves him more.

Clio

Pam,

I have been thinking of you and your family since you left my office this afternoon. I just want you to know that I am so sorry for your loss.

This is a time in your life that no one can say anything to make you feel relief, and most of us know it. Silence falls between you and the people who care about you, because words don't have the healing power that they once did. Be assured that these people around you stay and quietly sympathize and support your grieving process.

We all have a little suffering under our belt. Some losses that we don't talk about anymore, some cemetaries we slow our cars down as we drive by. One of the worst things is the realization that the world continues on. The garbage man arrives do his job in the morning, people are eating breakfast as the knots in your stomach turn. People are laughing, having fun, and genuinely unaware of the sorrow oozing from your every pore right next to them.

I don't have anything to say that will ease your pain. I only want you to know that you are a wonderful person and you have a blanket of friends and family who want to protect you from ever feeling this way again.

The only thing you can do with your grief is embrace it, as you feel its tight grip on you. Let God, your family and friends help you though this time.

Your friend,

Kim

For my husband, my family, my close friends;

Unsure if I will be able to answer that dreaded question "how are you doing?" too many more times with not enough strength to convince all of you that "I'M FINE" . . . I am "NOT FINE"

I am miserable daily. I miss Kyle, so handsome, so caring, I miss him so much I become physically ill.

In a world that is
of some one who has lost a child, here is where I eagerly wait for Kyle to come home. Hoping, hoping to "GOD" that today just might be that day, the day to not give up hope as day light turns into darkness, my heart is not ready for darkness, despair, emptiness, sadness, and the reality of being childless.

Each time acceptance over comes me that my caring,
handsome son KYLE ALLEN is forever gone from me, I can be caught still squeezing my eyes shut. To rid that heart wrenching horrible pain I shudder as tears roll down my face.

A candle I light every day for a baby that GOD had given unto myself and John more than 20 years ago, again full of hope the flame from the candle will help Kyle see his way back home.

Knowing your child is with someone who loves him more than you is overwhelming

To Paul, I hurt with sorrow for not being more grateful or for not saying "thank you" or " I love you" for taking care of me the best you know how.

I can promise you ALL not to worry about me, that one day I will be fine but . . . I CAN'T. I am not the same wife, sister, aunt, or friend that I once was and will never be again...


FOR YOU SON . . .
YOUR MOM IS ACHEING ALL OVER INSIDE AND OUT. THERE CAN NEVER BE TO MANY TIMES TO SAY I AM MISSING YOU ! MY ARMS ACHE TO HUG YOU, MY EYES ACHE FROM TRYING TO SEE IF THATS YOU WALKING DOWN THE STREET, MY EARS ACHE FROM STRAINING HOPING TO HEAR YOUR VOICE ONE MORE TIME, MY HEART ACHES THE MOST!! YOU BEING GONE HAS REALLY TOOK ITS TOLL ON ME AND WILL TIL I MEET UP WITH YOU ONCE AGAIN. I'VE BEEN TOLD THTAT "GOD" DOES NOT LET US ENCOUNTER ANYTHING THAT HE DOES NOT THINK THAT WE CANT HANDLE. NOTHING, I MEAN NOTHING IN MY LIFE SINCE THE DAY YOUR DAD AND I FOUND YOU HAS EFFECTED ME LIKE SEEING YOU LYING IN YOUR BED NOT MOVING, NOT RESPONDING TO ME. THAT IS A VISION I SEE DAY AFTER DAY AFTER DAY. WHAT I LOOK FORWARD TO IS SEEING YOU AGAIN, HAPPY, HEALTHY, AND SMILING WITH YOUR ARMS OUT EAGER TO HUG YOUR MOMMA. I LOVE YOU AND AGAIN MISS YOU WITH EACH AND EVERY INHALE AND EXHALE OF AIR I TAKE !!!

FOREVER LOVING/MISSING YOU,
MOM

KYLE's MOM

My heart still aches for you...

At Easter, we claim the promise.....

Courage my friend

Stan

There are no words adequate to express the grief you feel, are still feeling - I pray that each day you will be able to rely on God to get through that day, one at a time. To contemplate the whole journey stretching ahead is too much, but you can cope with this one day, in His strength.

Hello friends...

Please see this article related to Kyle's death - it is upon the subject of methadone overdose in southern Oregon, published April 5, 2007 in the Medford Mail Tribune.

http://www.mailtribune.com/archive/2007/0405/local/stories/methadonedeaths.htm