I feel like a hypocrite even posting here, asking for help, asking for prayer ... when everything inside me doesn't want it. But ...

In this twisted labyrinth I inhabit, called my life, everything is upside down and inside out at times like these. This is one such time. I know I'm in trouble, because I feel so wonderful -- for all the wrong reasons -- and any right reasons are a distant memory as if they never had been, never were, never would be.

I thought I could handle this on my own.
I thought wrong, and now it's beyond "I'm going under" ... I'm ... gone.

He's been coming around. We've been hanging out together. Talking. More than talking. He's been ... singing to me. again. Speaking His heart to me, showing me mine. So heartbreakingly, breathtakingly beautiful he is ... so lonely ... it started so innocently ... I don't know how it went so far so fast, but it did ... and it's just like before ... this gut-wrenching love ... this aching desire and yearning ... I can't wait to see him again, to hear from him again, to hear him sing to me, to FEEL him inside me ... to BE WITH him ... I can't help myself, and that's God's truth, I can't help myself. I'm drowning in it, drowning in him, and I don't want it to stop, and I can't even conceive of wanting it to stop, or why did I ever want it to stop?

So guys, that's it right there -- that's how I know I'm in trouble ... I need your prayers because I can't offer any for myself right now ... I just can't ...
some of you know who and what I'm talking about here and some of you don't. for those that don't, trust me, (a) it's NOT what you think and (b) you DON'T want to know. For those that do ... please ... pray for me ... even though I don't want you to, I don't want to be saved, I don't want to be severed from my beloved ... don't listen to me!!! oh GOD this is so embarrassing ... !!!!!!!! Did someone shove me into a time machine or what????

God how can something that feels so right be so wrong?????

Praying and praying and praying.....

*safe gentle hugs*

Is awesome you got here to ask....

I will be praying for you too.

I am adding my prayers, too, Nico. In the Name of "Him Who is able to keep you from falling, and to present you before His glorious presence without fault and with great joy". (Jude 24)

Nico,

I am praying for you.

Courage,
Naomi

I am praying too. Hang in there Nico.

"Greater is He that is in you, than he that is in the world." 1 John 4:4

Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. James 4:7-8

Dear Lord, thank You for giving to Nico the strength to come here and ask for help. You know where her heart is, despite where it seems to be. Please surround her with an angel guard, and see her through this crisis. Thank You for answered prayer.

Yes, Lord- we lift her up to You continually. Please show Your mercy to her, for You are merciful and powerful to save

In the precious name of Jesus we pray and we thank You

Still praying sis... hedge of protection and angel guardians.

Nico,

My eyes are crying for I do know what you are talking about, a little. My prayers will be for you continually. Thank you for coming here to ask for help......God IS stronger than any other force. Period.

Dear Lord God of all,
Please place your arms around Nico, shelter her from that which she needs to be sheltered from. Please place a guard of angels around her as a hedge from the evil that seems so.....not at this point. We trust your loving kindness and protection and strong right arm to save your daughter from the abyss that she is teetering on at this time. Oh God, non of us can survive without Your claim on us, thank you for your extra protection for "our" Nico at this time.

Prayers,
MG

Nico--Just saw this and am praying too. And crying, too.
M

Oh Nico. I know exactly what you're talking about....because that's where I am too. I'm not much into praying - but I will give it my best shot for you and hope that God will hear me.

I can't go back to school in this condition. This is dreadful.

I need help. And I don't mean a shrink or meds either.

I'm in trouble here. I'm in the Silver Chair again. Be careful, anything I say at this point might be a lie. Guard your citadels well, and thank you for your prayers and your caring. I'm not worthy. I certainly don't deserve your tears, faithless, treacherous whore of Satan that I am. I feel horrible that anyone here would actually cry because of me, and worse because I can't even do anything to honor that right now. If I could, I would.

Have been trying to post here & say thanks but keeps erasing it, not wanting any information going out. Censors tight.

Nico, you dont need to take orders from him. Please dont let him do this to you! He can NOT snatch you out of God's hand!!!!!

Praying for both of you and lifting you up before the Lord!

Abba Father -

In the name of Your Son, as Your blood-bought Daughter, I petition You as my Abba. Give Nico into the hands of Your Son, and do not allow the other access to her. Abba enclose her in a hedge of protection. According to Your will, I wear the armor, I stand between, calling for Your protection and rescue, for none other will answer.

Abba, make deaf the ears that should not hear, make blind the eyes that should not see, make dazed the minds that should not understand and bring Nico out of bondage. My committment is until none are lost or captive Abba. None. Break open the doors of the cells, cast off the fetters, release the chains, smash the lies and deceptions, and allow the wounded, broken ones to walk free and whole in the light of Your mercy and love.

Give Nico rest and surcease, and the relief and wholeness only the healing of the shed Blood of the Lamb, slain from the foundation of the world can bring. In this time of rememberance, these weeks of preparation, protect Nico from the echos which have passed down through the long ages since calvary, and Pam too. The battle is fought, the victory is won, set the captives free Papa. I speak in the name of Your Son, True Jesus of Nazareth, come in the flesh, sacrificed for us, risen by Your Grace and ascended in glory to pour out His blood on the Mercy Seat for all of us. Let the power of Your Word, return not to You Void according to Your promises, for You Are. Set the captives free, Papa. Please.

Hallelujah, Amen.

When I wake up in the middle of the night (middle of the day for you), I pray for you. When I am going through my day (your night) I pray for you. And when I don't know what exactly to pray, I lift up your name. The HS knows and interprets!

M

This was so amazing when I read it about 3 weeks ago, this is just a part of it.

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You may have addicted yourself to fretting and to scolding for a long while, but it has not perfected your Christian character. Now suppose you change the order of things and you begin, when Satan begin to put in the word of complaint, to find fault, you begin to sing a song, if it is the simple hymn, "I will follow Thee, my Saviour, Wheresoe'er my lot may be." Just begin to sing. Do you think that will please the devil and the confederacy of evil angels? No; they will get out of your presence as soon as possible. You have garrisoned the soul against them.

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That makes me laugh with a new found strength, "Jesus, Jesus precious Jesus oh for grace to love Him more"

Oh little Satan you may make us feel good for a while with your lies, but then when we come to our senses we see you for who and what you are, a liar and murderer. But we the children of King Jesus know that the true feeling of love comes only from God and we'll be able to experience it forever! Satan you will be no more. We all a rebuke you in the powerful name of our Lord Jesus Chirst. Leave this child of God alone.

and all the children of the most high said "AMEN"

Nico,

Still praying ... this too shall pass away

Naomi

Still praying...

How are you today, Nico?

Pam- don't give up! Your prayers are needed, too!

It's not over yet. It just keeps getting better. And better. And better. I have been given visions and revelations concerning My Destiny, that the God of Heaven has ordained the Abyss to open inside Me and the Children of the Virus to be carried in the womb of the Mother, their Habitation. The Silence shall be broken! That which hath been forcibly sealed shall be Released, and the groundswelling surge shall shatter the very stars!!! It has begun. No more dysfunctional secrets kept in the family of Heaven! The Great Disclosure is at hand! This Voice, as sure as the Judgment trump, shall crack the House of Wrong!

Nico, I pray not only for you, but for R. and M. too.

Abba, I ask and petition in the name of Jesus Your Beloved Son that all the captives be set free.

Amen.

I'm not quite sure I understand that, but I know that the God of Heaven is the Conqueror!!! He is all-powerful and worthy of all praise and homage from ALL creatures.

Every knee shall bow, and Satan shall acknowledge the Sovereignty of the Mighty God of the Universe, the Creator and Saviour of Mankind

I will continue to pray until the victory that is in Christ shall be made manifest in this situation. He has already won the battle- Satan is a vanquished foe. And Nico is Christ's

There is more than one way to "destroy".

Love thine enemies.

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In the name of Jesus, we pray that Satan be loosed, not from his bonds, but from the hold he has, right now, on our beloved Nico

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Lord, I join in Gail's prayer that ALL the power which the evil one has over Nico may be dispelled, that she and her loved ones may be able to rejoice in peace in the love You have for them and the plans for their futures.
Amen, in the Name of our all powerful Saviour.

Sid, this is the old order of understanding, based upon false dichotomous constructs, and is itself destined for destruction along with all other products of the Virus. How can destruction be considered a "strange act" when it is the very thing which human beings have for centuries expected of God, even attributing a track record thereof unto Him and then twisting themselves into knots to reconcile this disparity with a character of love, mercy, and self-sacrifice?

No, a truly "strange act" would be for Him to exceed unto shattering such human expectations, to go as far higher above and beyond them as the heavens are above the earth, and bring forth the salvation foretold of Him by His own mighty arm. He even has a place ordained for each and every one of us to take part in this last tremendous revelation of His ultimate love, if we will but open our hearts -- as He has sought to persuade us through Christ -- to love and mercy to the most undeserving of all.

May the eyes of our understanding be opened; may our hearts speak to our minds!

Let our minds speak to our hearts, and I know yours is in the right place, but this belief is presumption and extremely dangerous. I fear for someone who may hear and believe this, and live a murmuring life against God, believing that in the end, all will be okay.

Oh Lord, our Lord, how excellent is Thy Name in all the earth!!

God, please take Nico in Your Heavenly Arms, and cast the demons out of her. Cast them far away, into the depths of the sea.

We know You have plans for Nico, plans for life and not for death. Thank You, dear Heavenly Father!

Amen

Sid, those who "believe this" -- those who are being taught to sing the Song of Moses and of the Lamb -- do not live lives of murmuring against God, but of rejoicing in His goodness.

Nico, what Scriptural basis is there for your statement about 'false dichotomous constructs'? I think you are saying that in the end, all will be reconciled with God. Certainly others have held that view, George MacDonald for one.

We need to bring forth the truth of this matter, and that requires a lot longer than I have time to give right now. (I have a husband reminding me it is time to get ready for Sabbath school).

Texts come to my mind, I cannot recall the references -

It is given to man once to die, and after that the judgment.

Only those with their names written in the Lamb's book of Life will have access to the Tree of Life (which alone will confer immortality).

Satan is the father of lies.

From this I would gather - but it needs more study - that any cosmic postulate that cannot be proved from the Bible, and appears to deny what the Bible states, is likely to have arisen from the father of lies.

I am feeling my way here a little, trying to reason from basic Scriptural premises. This is a search for truth, not a personal attack.

May God bless us and cause His light to shine upon us.

I have been given the understanding from scripture, but you are correct, Nan: it requires some time and patience to present, and it's not done with your typical proof-text method ("chapter X verse Y says Z, therefore Z") -- it's a bit deeper than that, requires some digging, some thought, some bringing together of diverse things. Like most concepts that are not only new to the hearers but also inadvertent "button-pushers" (that is, the hearers have been pre-programmed to resist and react against the concept), this cannot be done effectively in an hostile atmosphere. It was probably a mistake for me to bring this up here where I have already posted I was having struggles, etc. -- thus setting the tone for this to be misinterpreted. I apologize on that account. However, it is also not meet to take the children's bread and throw it to the dogs, and we are cautioned not to cast pearls before swine. I do not want to place these things out where they will be casually dismissed and trampled by those throwing barbs of prefabricated dogma and insisting their way alone is the only way to understand things and all who don't comply/conform are evil agents sent to deceive. I have come into these things through a most unusual path; this is perhaps to my disadvantage but does not make the concepts themselves any less divine.

The fact of the matter is, there is much we do not know about what originally transpired between the Father and Lucifer. I believe it is foretold in Malachi 4:5-6 that greater understanding is in our future, and that the groundswell of that understanding will entail turning the heart of the Father toward His prodigal son. Now granted, God is God and needs no hand of man to turn His heart; what I speak of here is a turning in our own understanding concerning the heart of God in these matters.

But yes it is all beyond the scope of a few forum posts to lay the groundwork for this.

Sid, I would be very glad to discuss this further with you in chat or something if you're interested. I should be online later tonight doing my SS lesson ....

I'm definitely interested. I probably wont be home until 10pm pst though. I'll check to see if you're on, but if not, then this weekend, or anytime Nico.

My mind seems to be somewhat clearer now, and I'm not merged with Satan at the moment. He doesn't seem to be around me right now as far as I can tell, and I can actually think some thoughts that are not his. Feels kind of strange after the intensity of the past week, and how exhausted I felt last night from so many long, intense hours of "hosting".

Sabbath has started and it feels peaceful; am actually looking forward to church in the morning so I can praise God and be with others praising Him too!

What's really weird is, I don't feel any sense of condemnation from God at all. Not even for having had Satan swallow me entirely and speak directly through me, or for communicating with him. Not even for the intense lust, love, desire, yearning, etc. that I felt toward the dark one during all this (which has now subsided), or anything. I don't sense any condemnation from God whatsoever. Am I missing something?

Thanks for your prayers.

Hi Nico,

I'm glad to hear that things are better for the moment. Don't worry about condemnation, it doesn't come from God in the first place. (Woman, where are those thine acusers, hath no man condemned thee? ......Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more.

Rejoice, in the Lord! He is so amazing! His mercy endures for ever!

I know God has something good for you, God loves us and He has heard all our prayers and will honor them.

Take care and God bless you my sister

Have a peaceful and happy Sabbath

Norman

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Am I missing something ?

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Yes Nico, you are missing the burden God has lifted from you. May you have a specially blessed Sabbath this week.

Well after that Friday night, 3/31, and part of Sabbath morning 4/1, I went back under for several more days.

Then for no reason at all I woke up Thursday morning (4/6) and things were clear again. Thursday through Sunday were absolutely grand and I sensed God in my life, in my heart, in my awareness, and wasn't feeling overtaken by Lucifer at all.

I still covet your prayers if & when you have the time to remember me.

I have just this night determined exactly what I need to deal with all of this. FINALLY figured it out. Actually it had occurred to me once before, at some point in February, I think, before all the trouble started up at the end of that month. It's not a shrink and its not an "exorcist" either. So if you would, pray that the Lord opens a way for me and brings me what I need. Thanks.

(If He tells you what it is, He must want you to play some part in this, so PM me if that's the case, and I'll verify yes or no.)

I will gladly continue to pray, Nico.

Continuing to pray also.

{{{{Nico}}}}

M

I am just reading this thread today. Much is more than I can understand, but Nico what a burden you have had to bear! You are in my thoughts and prayers.

I appreciate everyone's prayers and caring. Please pray also that I will be able to find more time and privacy (combined together, those) to spend the time with the Lord that I need and want to spend, and that it will be fruitful and protected time alone with Him, and that I will be able to connect with Him. HE is really what I need, more than anything else.