"Many sorrows shall be to the wicked: but he that trusteth in the Lord, mercy shall compass him about" Psalm 32:10

When the world does not treat you with mercy, there is One who promises to, if you will trust in Him

And, related to that is:

"It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not.

They are new every morning; great is thy faithfulness" Lam.8:22,23

Every day is a new day with God!

Nico, I can only speak of how it has worked for me, but perhaps others might also offer their experiences

Years ago I have suffered from horrible depression and have been hospitalised for it twice. The last time was about 18 years ago.

During those dark, hopeless times there was no one with whom I could connect spiritually BUT I did have a Bible and some knowledge of Scripture

I could not read so much because my mind would not handle much stimulation. I just needed to rest.

But during these times I was sustained. I leaned on the Lord as best as I could and strength for the day came. Amid the turmoil of my brain in its trying to shut off was a peace surrounding me.

I didn't know in those days whether I would survive and it took years to recover my energy. In fact I still don't think that my physical strength will ever be what it used to

But I remember profoundly that spirit of praise and thanksgiving that I felt at the times when I needed it the most- when I was drained and powerless to do anything save tell the Lord that even if I died at this moment I surrender to Him and His will no matter what.

I was pitiful and wretched and empty on my own. I was 105 lbs (5'8") and my nerves were so bad I couldn't eat or sleep normally. But even when I couldn't see any hope of recovering I told God that I would trust in Him anyway, because of His promises.

I don't know if it was faith or a fear of facing eternity without Him, but that was the choice I made.

And I think that since the spiritual peace of that time I have had a burden to encourage others. I don't think I am always successful, but it is a love for souls that is in me for what reason I don't know.

The experience changed me. It wasn't so much the hard times, as they are such that my mind has blocked them out and I only remember them periodically when I am reminded and concentrate. They were just so traumatic. It was the touching of God's finger that makes me on fire for God and for others to this very day.

My pet verse of the time was Psalm 145:18- "The Lord is nigh unto all them that call upon Him, that call upon Him in truth." I could not handle more than that, but that one verse I lived by

Sorry for the length of the post. I know it is a simple story, but it is my time when God fulfilled His promise for me in a very real, life-changing way.

There are always smaller events now and then but that is the one thing that I look back on which gives me faith and hope in God's promises even today

Thanks for sharing your story Gail. I know some of that you've shared before but it was nice to read it again.

One of the things that stands out to me when I hear or read stories like this -- yours, someone else's testimony on this site, or someone's story in the Review, for example -- is that it always sounds so resolute. There is a definite beginning to the experience, a journey through, often a critical turning point or a choice being made, and then the "happy ending" where things are resolved and the person (you in this instant case) goes on in their life with this "newness" and a sort of "from then on..." continuity line, a "thereafter" which they presumably continue to inhabit and where they are now telling this story from.

I've had the beginning -- many times.
I've had the journey -- many times.
I've had the critical turning point and the clear-cut decision -- on numerous occasions.

Then I've had what seemed to be the resolution.
I took it for the resolution.
I lived as though it were the resolution.
I expected it to be the resolution.

Only it never has been.

Just another phase shift, and then time moves forward and I find myself back at the 'beginning' of 'one of those' again.

Kind of like the movie "Groundhog Day".

For me, the story is never finished, because the outcome is never an outcome. The resolution is never a resolution -- just yet another passing phase shift.

At this point, I no longer believe in a resolution. I accept that there will never be one. This nightmare will never end, because every time I think I've finally woken up, it's just the start of the next round.

I don't expect you or anyone else to do anything about this; I just want the freedom to make it known.

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For me, the story is never finished, because the outcome is never an outcome. The resolution is never a resolution -- just yet another passing phase shift.

At this point, I no longer believe in a resolution. I accept that there will never be one. This nightmare will never end, because every time I think I've finally woken up, it's just the start of the next round.

I don't expect you or anyone else to do anything about this; I just want the freedom to make it known.

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I wonder how Lazarus felt when after he was brought back to life, after the initial excitement had gone and the crowds dispersed. He would have been grateful for what Jesus had done for him, and his sisters also. But I wonder if in the back of his mind was the knowledge that he had to tread the same road again, some time.

Part of growing up for me was to realise that there are no really happy-ever-afters in this life. There is always another day to be faced, a battle of some sort to be fought. When life seems to be going along smoothly, I live in the knowledge that will not be a permanent state. I am not particularly morbid or pessimistic, I think we all have to face this realisation.

Nico, I am not trying to equate this to your experience - I have not walked where you have.

I do try to live in the remembrance of the promises. Isaiah 26:3 speaks to me when I am troubled in spirit and I try to apply it to myself (Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Thee, because he trusteth in Thee - I use the KJV because that is how I memorised the verse.)

The following is a relatively trivial example of how God's promises have helped me - years ago, I was still a teenager, a loved cousin was facing surgery and I got the impression the outcome was not certain. I prayed and used a promise box and out came the verse "Blessed is she that believeth, there shall be a perfomance of those things from the Lord." (From Luke 1, the angel's words to Mary ) There are not many verses in the Bible that speak solely to women in this fashion, and I was impressed by the mercy of God in bringing one to my attention. I felt peace - and my cousin is still very much alive and well about 40 years later.

There are other promises and other stories - some of which are too personal for me to want to share. But I must praise the Name of the One Who leads me each day, so long as I am willing to be led. It is when I rush ahead impetuously that the going gets tough.

Thank you for your kind words, Nico

I realise that the problem with sharing experiences like mine is that they remind me of the old Uncle Arthur stories, where when there is a situation, someone simply prays to God and everything is miraculously healed and resolved. Too often things just don't go like that.

But the reason I DO take the risk and share my story is because it was something profound that happened that was timely and needed and attests to God's power to save. I do it in hopes that it may enbolden others to call on Him, not discourage them into thinking that there is something wrong with their experience.

There are so many variables in not only our lives but in the ways that God works that I cannot begin to understand why. All I can do is keep telling people that it's true, it's real, and I know because it has happened to me.

I would not discard your experience at all as being unfinished. Sometimes people cannot see the steps that the Lord is leading them through as others can, and it doesn't always feel like anything is happening. Sometimes the Lord seems distant and it is at those times that we walk by faith.

In Hebrews 11 it recounts the patriarchs who didn't receive the actual reward of their faith and won't until Jesus comes to set everything straight. Those were faith giants compared to me and they died waiting to see the fruition of their hope.

In my mind there are a couple of important points: one, that we remember the evidence of God's leading through our lives, and two, that we remind each other of God's leading that we can see in others. I believe that these steps will bolster faith and help us be more unified.

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Am I making ANY sense?

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Yes, you are making sense. I am not sure if I can express things the way I want - but...

Certainly I have struggled and do struggle at times to believe that what God has promised, He will do. That is easy to see in the physical realm...it requires faith for to believe 'in the substance of things not seen'.

Is it that when things get sufficiently desperate - as in Gail's darkest moments - we just have to remember what He has said and hold on to the promise? He has promised that those who come to Him in faith, He will in no wise cast out. Jacob wrestled with the Angel for hours, and likewise our struggles may be prolonged. Does the length of the struggle depend on our willingness to surrender our all?

These are musings - I do not have the black and white answers. If there are any.

I agree with Nan. I don't know how it all works, but that is why I like to direct people back to the Bible promises. I said this somewhere else, that if we cannot hold God to His Word, then He is a liar.

I feel that there must be a reason that they are so direct and confident, else the whole belief system of Christianity would disintegrate.

Please do not dispair, Nico. Cling to the Lord and ask Him to do for you what you cannot do for yourself. As long as you keep asking, He will not leave you desolate